The Doujinshi Discussions
by Static Prose
Summary: The director of Gundam Wing needs to bring in some more dough for production costs. What does he want them to do?!?!?!


Gundam Wing on Doujinshis  
  
*An announcement is heard throughout the studio: All actors, please report to the director's office.*  
  
D: Listen, guys, I have some bad news.  
  
Duo: Did your mother die?  
  
D: No, Duo...  
  
Duo: Your father? Oh, I'm so sorry.  
  
D: Duo, just shut up and listen. Sales for Gundam Wing aren't going as well as we'd planned. The budget to make this show is more than the profits we've earned.  
  
Duo: Don't tell me you're going to cancel the show! I'll be jobless again! I'll have to work at a fast food restaurant!  
  
Heero: Duo, shut up.  
  
D: I'm not going to cancel the show, Duo. We just need to draw more peoples' attention to it. With it being mecha related, and all, mostly males are interested in it. Very few females.  
  
Quatre: So?  
  
D: So, like I said, we need to find a way to draw peoples' attention to you, including, and especially, the females.  
  
Trowa: How are we going to do that?  
  
Wufei: We're already as beautiful as we can be. Why do you think they call us bishounen?  
  
D: That's true. Your looks are very important, but that's not enough.  
  
Wufei: Then, what else is there?  
  
D: Doujinshi  
  
Duo: DOUJINSHI!? You want us to star in porn magazines!?  
  
D: They're not *porn magazines* and women like them.  
  
Heero: I refuse. My relationship with Duo is not going in a magazine.  
  
Duo: Awww, Heero. You want me all to yourself, don't you? *blush*  
  
Heero: Of course.  
  
D: Well, it's either get the girls interested, or cancel the show.  
  
Zechs: I'm willing. How about you, Treize?  
  
Treize: I don't know...  
  
Lady Une: Treize is modest. He shouldn't have to bear his beautiful, muscle-rippling body to everyone so that they can stare and grope...  
  
Everyone: O.o  
  
Lady Une: Is it getting hot in here? *takes off jacket*  
  
Duo: The only reason you're willing, Zechs, is because you're used to being in porn.  
  
Zechs: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Duo: We all know what you were doing *before* you started your serious acting.  
  
Zechs: Stripping is not the same as being in porn movies!  
  
Relena: I have an objection to this!!  
  
Dorothy: You always have an objection, Relena.  
  
D: Let's hear it.  
  
Relena: If the show is focused around my and Heero's relationship, don't you think those doujinshis will give people the wrong idea? They'll think he's really with Duo!  
  
Heero: I am, Relena.  
  
Relena: Oh, Heero, you always say the funniest things! *laughs*  
  
Everyone: *rolls eyes*  
  
D: Where is everyone else, anyway? I needed the other girls in here, too. We need them to know about this.  
  
Duo: Why?  
  
D: Well, the boys aren't the only ones that will be doing *porn magazines,* as you call them.  
  
Relena: You mean, *WE* have to do them, too!?!?!?  
  
Dorothy: Relena, it won't be that bad. You can be in them with me! *evil grin*  
  
Relena: No way in hell!!!!  
  
D: Do it, or you're fired, Relena. I don't like your character, anyway. It would be my pleasure to fire you.  
  
Relena: *sniffle* Fine!! I'll do it! You're such a jerk!  
  
D: I know.  
  
*Hilde and Cathrine enter the room, chattering like the dumb girls they are, followed by Sally and Noin, discussing quantum physics*  
  
D: Where have you four been?  
  
Hilde: We were *busy* thank you very much! That photo shoot took longer than we thought it would. Hi, Duo!  
  
Duo: Mmm..Hilde.....hi.  
  
Hilde: *sits next to Duo* How have you been, love? Did you miss me?  
  
Duo: Fine, and no, not one bit.  
  
Cathrine: Trowa, why are you sitting next to Quatre? You know he's a bad influence on you! Come sit by me. *drags Trowa to the other end of the table*  
  
Sally: *sits next to Wufei* What were we discussing?  
  
D: Doujinshi.  
  
Noin: *Sits next to Zechs and taps his sword with her own.* Why?  
  
Duo: We're going to star in them!  
  
Noin: WHO!?!?  
  
D: Everyone sitting at this table.  
  
Wufei: *Stands up*  
  
D: Wufei, sit down, there's no getting out of it.  
  
Noin: Who's going to be with who?  
  
D: Well, Duo and Heero, Trowa and Quatre, Wufei and Treize and Zechs...  
  
Noin and Lady Une: What?!?!?!  
  
Noin: There's no way my Zechs is going to be in doujinshis with Wufei *or* Treize, and especially not at the same time!!!  
  
Sally: I don't think Wufei should have to do it.  
  
Wufei: *sniffle* Someone shoot me...  
  
Heero: *Pulls gun on Wufei*  
  
D: Heero, put the squirt gun away. And, all of you, hold your objections until I'm finished and I've left the room. To continue: Relena and Dorothy, Hilde, Cathrine, Sally, and Lady Une, you four can be in any you want, just as long as it's not with any of the boys.  
  
Relena: Why do they get to choose!? I shouldn't have to be stuck with DOROTHY!!!  
  
Dorothy: Oh, Relena. It'll be fun! What do you say we start practicing now? *gropes Relena*  
  
Relena: Gyah!!! Get off!  
  
D: I didn't let you choose, Relena, because I don't like you.  
  
Duo: Ha ha!!  
  
D: I also want a few with Duo and Quatre, Duo and Trowa, and Duo and Wufei. Heero and Trowa, Heero and Quatre, and Heero and Wufei. So on and so forth...  
  
Duo: So we're all just going to have one major orgy for this!?! That's ridiculous!  
  
Heero: I refuse to be in them with anyone but Duo. I also refuse to allow Duo in any of them unless he's with me!  
  
D: I don't care what you refuse, Heero. You're doing it, and he's doing it, and I don't want any arguments about it.  
  
Heero: ......Fine..... But I don't want him kissing anyone, and I don't want the pictures to be too graphic...and I don't want him actually *doing* anything with *anybody!* ....Except me.....  
  
Duo: A bit overprotective, Heero?  
  
Heero: Yes.  
  
D: There are ways we can work around it, if you're that concerned, I suppose.  
  
Quatre: The same goes for me and Trowa! I'll be damned if I'm gonna suck on his...  
  
D: Okay, Quatre! We get the idea...  
  
Quatre: ...after he's put it up someone elses'...  
  
D: QUATRE!! Please...  
  
Quatre: *flicks off the director*  
  
Trowa: Do I have to be with Wufei?  
  
D: Sure.  
  
Trowa: Oh, god...  
  
D: After we're done getting the photos with all the twos, I want some with three, then four, then all five of you. After *all* that's done, I want one with *all* of you.  
  
Everyone: WHAT!?!?!  
  
D: What?  
  
Everyone: No way! There's no way!  
  
Hilde: I wouldn't mind being in it, as long as Duo's there...*flutters eyelashes at Duo*  
  
Duo: *turns green* Eh....  
  
D: Well, now that that's settled, I'm going to take a nap. Duo and Heero, You're up first. Go to the photo booth and have a blast! *wink*  
  
Heero: Great....  
  
Duo: It is great! This' gonna be fun! Come on, Heero! *grabs Heero's hand and drags him out the door.*  
  
Relena: Wait! I object! Not my Heero! He's mine!!  
  
Dorothy: *Knocks Relena out with her shoe* Relena, you'd better get some rest, cause we're up after those two, and I'm gonna give you a good time! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!  
  
Noin: O.o....  
  
Cathrine: This bites...  
  
Sally: Noin, would you like to be my partner?  
  
Noin: Mmmm....s-sure....  
  
Cathrine: Lady Une?  
  
Lady Une: NO WAY!! I'm staying out of this!  
  
Cathrine: Maybe I can be in them with one of my lions...  
  
Dorothy: Oh, Cathrine.... *GROWL* I'll be your lion....*Purrrrr*  
  
Cathrine: ..............k........ e_e;;; 


End file.
